Sunday, December 20, 2015

Dear Brian,

You left us over four years ago and still something in me can't accept your absence. I have your picture on my computer, on the bookcase in the living room, on the wardrobe in the bedroom. Anything anyone says about Long Beach or Riverside, or Woodland Hills brings back floods of memories. When I see a young man that has the same general body type you had, I look at him longingly, studying every move, wanting so much to find more of you, watching the young man as he departs and out of my view, contemplating what it was that drew me to him.

We just celebrated your nephew's second birthday yesterday, and your childhood kept jumping at us, the way you liked to take things apart, fix things, build things, figuring the parts, adjusting this and that around the house whenever you saw something that needed done. He is like that, and I can't help reminiscing about your youth as I watch his curiosity and earnest spirit. You would have loved being an uncle again. You were so attentive to your niece when she came up to visit, teaching her to fish, encouraging her to be patient.

Your friends are scattered; I heard Kalen got married; Janet finished school...
Most of them befriended me on Facebook for a while; they read about you as I attempted to piece together your early years. By now, everyone has other pursuits; all trying to stay healthy and sane.
Now and then I see posts from Johnny, now all grown up, as he recounts his athletic events, the pursuits he loved and shared with his neighbor, and big brother Brian.

I have not heard about Butters; I'm sure she settled down a bit and grew to love her new digs. Newkie has adjusted well to the Oregon weather, accepting indoor living for most of the rainy months. She is well, and might just have memories of California when she finds a patch of sun and stretches herself in its warmth.

A part of me expects to see you up in Oregon this holiday, giving up your friends and your parties to join your elderly parents for yet another wet Christmas that keeps you indoor. Yet, by now, you might have discovered all the slopes with lots of powder just a couple of hours away from us, and the trip would then be a winter mecca for you and your friends.

Glad you were in our lives for all those years, son. Glad we got to know and love and cherish you.
We'll be thinking of you till our last breath.
Love you much,
Mom and Dad


7 comments:

  1. Dear Rosaria,
    Words are failing me at the moment ~~~ please know by sharing your letter to Brian with us, you keep him alive in the hearts of those he loved, and in the hearts of those who loved him.
    Helen

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    1. Thanks,Helen. Hope your holidays are bright!

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    2. Thanks,Helen. Hope your holidays are bright!

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  2. Big hugs to you, Rosaria. My heart aches for your loss.. and swells for the love you hold so close.

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  3. Heartbreaking...like casting a letter in a bottle into the ocean. I have no words of comfort. I know words have no magical powers. I am so sorry for your loss, but also grateful for the years you were blessed to have him in your life.

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  4. 0h how sad that loss is, and always will be- a thoughtless act destroying a beautiful life- my heart is sad for you, and I know everyone that knows will share in your sorrow-- for me, I can just say I will think of him often and know that you know we all care in blogland. LIfe is cruel and we have to carry on, I admire your strength and fortitude, it must be so hard at time,, hugs from across the way, J

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