Wednesday, August 21, 2013

When you fall into a sinkhole...

If you want to know why I can't seem to find words these days is because
you can't hear my words
after I've fallen in the sinkhole of grief,
and can't seem to  find my way out.
I am still threading water, coming up for air.

I can smile when
this little clip of him= Gobble-Gobbling
pops up
in my cache
of photos I seem to use as my raft.

At other times, I sink deeper and deeper, worrying about what I should have done,
like calling him the evening of his death
teaching him the very skill
that he needed to survive that night.

I search for his voice, his face. in every one I meet.

A short loop plays in my head over and over again
where I can see what I think happened that early Sunday
when he was hit, ended up on the pavement, passed out, died.

A sinkhole has no exit paths.


  1. Dear Rosaria,

    I am so, so, sorry.... how difficult your days must be. It is awful how we are so trapped with our thoughts, our questions of what might have been, or what could I have done to have changed certain events? Our thoughts torture us every waking hour and for some the devastation that we feel doesn't lessen, doesn't get easier, doesn't stop the tears or the pain we feel of the hole left in our hearts. It's too new, too raw to heal and everyday it's so hard to face the pain of the thoughts that keep running over and over in our minds. I know...I know how you miss your son, his face, his laugh, his presence even when he wasn't close in miles sometimes just the comfort of knowing you could pick up a phone and call to hear his voice. I know your grief and your sorrow and your loss too and there is no magic answer to learn how to stop the grief. I only know from my own experience that they live on in our hearts forever and I try...when I see something beautiful that nature has shown to me on any given a rainbow or a butterfly flying close or landing on my arm...or just standing at the edge of the ocean and looking out at the rolling sea when it comes to shore again...I try to think of these things as a sign, a peaceful whisper from the ones that we have loved and lost to let us know they are still among us. I hope more than anything you will be able to find some small bit of peace in your days and I will pray for you that your mind will let you rest. Hugs - Kathleen

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  3. Rosaria you have just said on your other post about new adventures. I am sure this will help you climb out of the sink hole. I know how difficult it is. I lost my brother over 50 years ago now and I still think of him every day and wish he was still by my side. It is not easy but things do improve. Take care Diane

  4. Sorry. That's the only thing I can come up. Sending you a huge hug across the water.

    Greetings from London.

  5. So know you know rosaria why I feel so much for you. Your comment immediately triggered me off again and after all these years I still cry for the years we lost. Diane