(Brian and Janet and Butters in Port Orford, July 4th weekend, 2011)
(this one has a definite date, Michael's birthday party, 2011)
(?)
(in Port Orford, 2010)
(with friends, from the haircut, @2010)
(Brian and Newkie @2006)
(Brian at Cape Blanco, @2005)
I'm stuck in a ever-repeating loop,
Counting backwards
to find my way all the way back
like the time we
hiked Cape Blanco,
fighting the winds,
dodging heavy surf
all the way to the lighthouse.
You drove up all night,
to spend a few hours with us
on that Christmas Eve.
We picked you up in Eureka
a few times
when you were in a big
hurry
back to a
life without us.
I knew so little about your adult life.
I found out
a whole lot more
at your funeral.
I know this feeling so well. I am also stuck in an ever repeating loop of photos going through My Life Before Charente with family who are no longer here.
ReplyDeleteHang in there with all those good memories though, I know the memories brighten my days. Take care Diane
Grief plays tricks on the mind. I feel like swimming in it; the attraction of a warm fire; the invitation of fresh snow. Grief can trap us. Yet, if we don't experience the pain of loss when the loss is fresh, I'm not sure we can manage to go on.
ReplyDeleteI am so deeply moved. This is my first time to visit and I am almost speechless. My heart to you~
ReplyDeletePoignant.
ReplyDeleteDear Rosaria....your poetry is so beautiful and isn't that so true of our adult children. Especially when they live so far away and we don't get to see them often....we are really no longer a part of their lives and in some ways they become strangers to us. Your photos are wonderful memories and moments of a precious life, a precious child who was all grown up......but in our minds as mothers....they are never grown up. This loss I'm sure is still so new to you and so hard to even fathom that all you have are these precious memories of your son. There is no way to describe the feeling of such great loss when a mother loses a child....my heart goes out to you and I hope that you can find just a little peace and solace when you remember your beautiful son.
ReplyDelete